Below are some examples of difficult relationships where Elaine’s counseling and Preventing Divorce method have helped.  Most of us can think of at least one person going through situations similar to these.

{names of individuals have been altered to respect their privacy}

• When we got married, “I” suddenly became “we.”  My identity was consumed.  With Elaine’s guidance, my mind became free to create independent ideas, thoughts, and actions.

Computer Analyst, Downtown, Los Angeles

• I felt listened and helped out.  It was a very valuable supervision.  Her comments and role-play techniques helped me see my dilemma in a new way.  Great supervisor.

Student, University of Judaism (AJU), Los Angeles, CA

• I didn’t realize that my wife and I can think differently, that it was all right to do so.   After all, we are different people with different histories.  I thought we had to agree on everything to be a good couple. 

 Financial Advisor, Santa Monica, CA

• We initially sought therapy to proceed with an amicable divorce.  As it turns out, we’ve fallen in love again and have decided NOT to divorce after all. 

A Soccer Mom and a Club Scout Leader, Studio City, CA

• This is the only time we sit down and talk, really talk, about important matters.

A Corporate Couple, Encino, CA

• I realized that because I need approval, I get sucked into other people’s needs and wants.  I know this has been my problem since before I met my spouse.  With Elaine’s help, I have learned to take control of my need for approval and not let it affect my marriage.

An Artist, Glendale, CA

• Without regular therapy, my life slips into neutral and sometimes reverse.  Usual emotions get bottled up and my productive workday comes to a screeching halt – I am like a deer in the headlights of an oncoming car.  This paralysis has started to change with Elaine’s help.

Certified Public Accountant, Beverly Hills, CA

• I used to care more about what others thought of me than what I thought of myself.  That’s changed.  I put myself first, but not in a selfish way.  I do it in a way that works for everyone involved. 

Attorney at Law, Managing Partner, Malibu, CA

• My employees are more satisfied since I have been in therapy for my marriage.  I used to bring my personal problems to work and my discontented staff was angry at my bad attitude and micromanaging.  Constant bickering soon followed and my business came to a standstill.  Now that I have a clear mind and a healthier marriage, I am functioning better and can separate my personal life from work.  Excellent human relations oil the wheels of business.

Real estate developer, Austin, Texas

Here are a few more examples of situations where therapy can significantly help.  Many of us have experienced something similar in our lives.

{names of individuals have been altered to respect their privacy}

• Tom cannot say no without feeling guilty.  So he says “Yes” to Mary for almost everything and then resents her for it.  Mary does not understand or respect his limits, so Tom withdraws and just wants to run away, drink, have an affair, or spend money to distract his mind from his embattled emotions.

• Peter has been married three times.  Now, he’s in a relationship with the same type of bossy and controlling woman.  Why does he keep choosing these women and developing dysfunctional relationships?

• Lynn thinks that once she gets past the wedding, things will change and she’ll be in a better relationship.  Is she right?

• Allen says he loves his wife, but that he also feels constrained and intimidated by her.  He feels he can’t win – if he tells her, she’ll be angry and hurt; if he doesn’t tell her, his feelings will just manifest through unhealthy behavior.

• Kate finds a new boyfriend. It’s a new start: desire, lust, fantasy, excitement.  She feels young and important again.  But after a few months, the arguments start and it’s the same old miserable dating relationship.  Kate feels self-pity and doesn’t know why she just can’t find a decent guy.  Is it really just bad luck in dating, or is she doing something to create these situations?

• John and Soo-Yen said the call for a therapist was the most difficult call they ever made.  Each feared being wrong and they were embarrassed to “air their dirty laundry” to a stranger.  They also feared saying something for the first time that would be hurtful to the other. 

• Michael thought that therapy wasn’t for “real men.”  After all, he was an intelligent, good looking, and wealthy physician.  Why, of all people, would he need therapy?   But, eventually, he had to confront the reality of his life – he was often sad for no reason, was in a long-term relationship that he found draining and unfulfilling, and often longed for the lives his friends led.

• Heather grew up in a tough household: her parents fought often, her dad was emotionally unavailable, her mother was depressed, and she felt a constant competition with her younger, prettier sister.  Now married and with two children, Heather finds herself slowly recreating the same problems in her new family.

• Sue was on autopilot.  She would always behave in a way that pleased others.  And when she didn’t, she felt tremendously guilty for being “selfish.”  Her guilt and resentment would emotionally paralyze her.

• Miguel didn’t realize that it was okay for him and his wife to think differently.  He thought they always needed to share the same beliefs and attitudes to present a united front to their community. 

elainecole@earthlink.net

Encino, CA 91436